5 Things to Do When Your Boyfriend Abandons You in the Middle of Europe

When my relationship ended during an international trip of a lifetime, I faced an unplanned adventure traveling solo with a broken heart. Here are five ways I handled a breakup mid-travel.

By Megan Starks

@megonearth

My boyfriend and I were a month into a six-month trip across Europe. Our ‘grand adventure’ as we had called it, ever since I proposed the idea that we take extended time off of work and live out our dreams. I would write a book and he would ski tour the Alps while we traveled around in a rented camper van. Money in the bank and clout at our jobs put the idea within reach. And while it wasn’t a perfect idea, it seemed like a relatively safe one. After all, we loved each other. I was half right.

“I don’t miss you.”

My boyfriend’s proclamation came as I prepared to meet back up with him (and my suitcase) following a week of us each doing our own thing. He was in the Swiss Alps and I had taken an excursion to Prague. We had agreed in advance that short solo side trips from time to time would do us good. What they did was make him realize he liked spreading out on the bed like a starfish (as much as a camper van bed permits) and eating schnitzel with wild abandon. His ‘grand adventurer’ self was done having a travel buddy.           

By his own admission, he saw me and my laptop as deadweight, not contributing much to our travels and only aggravating him with my lack of tidiness. He wanted me to stay on my short solo side trip for an indefinite amount of time, but most definitely not short. He said he would let me know when he missed me, and then we could reunite. He volunteered to drop my bags at a luggage locker in Salzburg, Austria and I spent the next 24 hours in tears.

I called my dad. He empathized but didn’t feel too bad for me. He didn’t much care for the guy. And, as he pointed out, I was in Europe, without work obligations, surrounded by art and history, footloose and fancy-free. His enthusiasm for the prospect of my new solo adventure was unavoidably inspirational.

Of course, inspirational pep talks are all well and good until you’re sitting in a foreign café, suddenly wondering how you got here—metaphorically and literally. Breakups can leave us feeling lost and emotionally drained, much like a detour you never planned for on your journey. It’s a bit like discovering you’ve picked up a DIU (Detour of the Intimately Unwanted)—stressful, inconvenient, and definitely not what you had in mind. But, as any road trip pro will tell you, detours can lead to some pretty spectacular views, and learning –and yes, consulting a DUI lawyer might be necessary, but it’s hardly the highlight of your adventure.

So, reluctantly inspired, I discovered a few things that helped me overcome being abandoned by a boyfriend-turned-starfish while thousands of miles away from home. Here are five of them:

5 Things to Do When Your Boyfriend Abandons You in the Middle of Europe

1. Don’t Go Home. 

The first decision I had to make was whether I was going to sheepishly return home. 

I had travelled a lot internationally, but never solo. I don’t know any languages besides English. My self-esteem was in the basement. 

But, I did what every strong, independent woman would do. I crowdsourced. I posed the question on several different online women’s travel forums and in a matter of days, over a hundred strangers weighed in. 

The closest thing to “you should go home,” was “go home if you want, but you don’t have a good reason to.” I received tips, encouragement, and a sad amount of commiseration. The glass ceiling had already been shattered on this one. Going through a breakup while wandering around a foreign country was a well-worn path. So I stayed, I could see no good reason not to.

2. Revise the Plan 

I didn’t start skiing until well into adulthood. I am a beginner on my best days, I am a safety risk for the most. Second to writing a book, a goal for the trip had been for me to learn how to ski. I would, after all, be at some of the finest ski areas in the world. However, I realized that without my boyfriend’s ski plans influencing our road map, I actually didn’t care much about skiing! It was a goal of convenience. I really wanted to bike through Tuscany, sail in Southern Spain, and truffle hunt in Croatia. So, I revised the plan and made it my own. It felt good to distance myself from him and kick off a renewed love affair with myself. 

Who doesn’t love a cycling, sailing, mushroom hunter? 

3. Book a Group Tour or Activity

To me, group tours once meant trudging around a city following a lady waiving around a flag-topped pole while locals try to pass by with palpable irritation. 

So, when an internet stranger suggested I check out local tours through AirBnb Experiences or Get Your Guide, I was sceptical but decided to go ahead and book (the broken hearted will follow directions without question just to save the mental capacity for mourning).

It was whilst in Florence that I went on a nighttime cocktail tour, socialized with other solo travelers and was introduced to some fantastic bars, all something I would not have otherwise come across. In Paris, I met with a group of ex-pats at an indie theatre. We drank wine and watched a French movie with English subtitles. In both instances, the break from my hotel room was much-needed, and it was these opportunities where it became good practice to introduce myself as a singleton.

4. Text Your Friends

Before leaving for our  ‘grand adventure’, we had no less than three going away parties. 

We were sent off by friends who assumed we would be too busy eating fondue and warming our feet by some alpine hut fire to remember friends back home. This may have been true the first month of the trip, when texts or calls to friends were lost to the magic of German Christmas Markets and the inconvenience of different time zones. 

But when the plans were upended, time zones suddenly didn’t mean anything and the love, support, and opportunity to trash talk came at all hours. I was not alone, I had WhatsApp.

5. Ask for Connections

“Does anyone know anyone in Paris or Austria? Looking to meet people!” 

My Facebook post was innocuous enough and didn’t obviously announce the abrupt end to my relationship. Within a day, my friend had introduced me to her boyfriend’s niece who was studying in Vienna. A musician friend put me in touch with a club owner in Bayonne, France. A family member connected me to his longtime friend in Barcelona. 

Everyone I met was happy to show me around, made me feel comfortable, and gave me a human connection that softened the loneliness.

After months of following my own itinerary and patching up my heart, it was time to return home. Initially, I expected the flight back would bring Shakespearean-level drama, I envisioned flight attendants crowded around me, offering comfort and a steady stream of mini-bottles as I wept with longing for the man I thought would take up the aisle seat next to me.

Instead, I sat in marvel at the experiences I had never anticipated, but now prized, like going dancing with my rock climbing guide and her friends in Huesca, Spain, riding around Genoa on the back of a handsome Italian’s Vespa, or hiking to a hidden waterfall in the French Alps. Sure, I wasn’t returning home with the person I had left with, instead, I was returning home with a new sense of a more confident self.

As the flight attendant refilled my wine glass without even a hint of pity, I thanked her and silently made a toast to my bravery.  

I had successfully fought off the devastating weight of a poorly-timed rejection and embraced the opportunity to explore amazing places on my own terms. And while heartbreak is never part of anyone’s travel plans, it can be part of an unexpectedly self-affirming adventure. And travel is all about adventure, ask anyone on the internet.

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ABOUT THE WRITER

Megan Starks is an occasionally untidy writer and attorney based in Seattle. She can be found on Instagram @megonearth and Medium at @mfstarks.

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